Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Tickle Me Tuesdays

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Crazy awesome weekend followed by a work golf outing yesterday. (In case you were wondering... yes I did pretty well. At least I didn't hit anyone.)

Have you ever kicked someone in the face because they tickled you? Well... I have. I was thinking about that when I came up with the idea for this series: Tickle Me Tuesdays. Essentially, I hope to make you laugh, or at least chuckle a little. Because I love to laugh and I think most people do. Just be warned... if you see me in person I would advise against tickling me.

Let's all thank my cousin Jess for today's post idea. These are HILARIOUS. To think people actually ask these questions...

These  were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the  answers are the actual responses by the website  officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor  (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
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Q: Does  it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it  rain on TV, how do the plants grow?  ( UK). A: We  import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around  watching them die.
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Q: Will  I be able to see kangaroos in the street?  (
USA)
A: Depends how  much you've been drinking.
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Q: I  want to walk from   Perth to     Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?  (
Sweden)A: Sure, it's  only three thousand miles.  Take lots of  water.
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Q: Are  there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you  send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville  and Hervey Bay ? (
  UK)
A: What did  your last slave die of?
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Q: Can  you give me some information about hippo racing in   Australia ? (
USA)
A: A-fri-ca is  the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe  .
Aus-tra-lia is that big  island in the middle of the Pacific which does not  ...
Oh, forget  it.  Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night  in Kings Cross. Come  naked.
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Q: Which  direction is North in Australia ?  (
USA)
A: Face south,  and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here  and we'll send the rest of the  directions.
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Q: Can  I bring cutlery into Australia ?  (
UK)
A: Why? Just  use your fingers like we  do.
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Q:  Can  you send me the   Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?  (
USA)A: Aus-tri-a is  that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is  ...
Oh, forget  it.  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every  Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo  races. Come naked.
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Q: Can  I wear high heels in Australia ?  (
UK)
A: You are a  British politician, right?
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Q: Are  there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all  year round? (
Germany)
A: No, we are a  peaceful civilization of vegan  hunter/gatherers.  Milk is  illegal.
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Q:  Please  send a list of all doctors in   Australia who can  Dispense rattlesnake serum. (
  USA)
A: Rattlesnakes  live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All  Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely  handled, and make good  pets.
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Q: I  have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but  I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in  trees. (
USA)
A: It's called  a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of  gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking  underneath them.
You  can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine  before you go out walking.
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Q: I  have developed a new product that is the fountain of  youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia  ? ( )
A: Anywhere  significant numbers of Americans  gather.
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Q: Do  you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?  (
France) A: Only at  Christmas.
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Q: Will  I be able to speak English most places I go?  (
USA) A: Yes, but  you'll have to learn it  first.  


Now you're ready for a trip to Australia! Who's with me? :)

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