I thought today we'd do some funny quotes. Hopefully they're funny enough to result in coffee coming out your nose (but you won't actually have coffee in your mouth at the time.) ;)
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."
"Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film."
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.